Because we could see a grown man cry:
But seriously folks. I'm not saying Mark Dantonio has all the composure of a toddler before his nap. Still, in honor of Bob Wojnowski, I have decided to provide a transcript of this actual, fabricated conversation in the locker room following last year's game in East Lansing:
Dantonio: Well, men, you fought hard...and....*sobbing* OH G*D! My whole life's work! I can't believe you would do this to me!
Hoyer: --coach--
Dantonio: I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!
Ringer: Come on Coach, cheer up, there's always next year!
Dantonio: NO! I HATE YOU!
Ringer: Coach, come here. Aww, come on, come here. *hugging the coach* There you go. Now, my mom made us cookies. Would that make you feel better? *holds one out for Coach to see*
Dantonio: *considering* ...no. NO!
Ringer: Just have one, come on, they're goooood! *tries to push one toward Coach's mouth*
Dantonio: *shutting mouth tightly* MMMM! MMMMMM!!!
And so on. Here's a real, non-fabricated quote from little Marky about this year's game, thanks to MGoBlog: "No pun intended, but we were up by 10 with seven minutes to go. And you know what? It isn't over and it still is not over." The most believable part of this is that there was no pun intended. And actually, that game did end, and Michigan State lost. ("NO! I HATE YOU!") Do his own players even take him seriously?
Well, yes and no. In a stunning act of one-up-manship, the Spartan football team retaliated against 87th string RB Mike Milano's crooshing of Wolverine hockey defenseman Steve Kampfer by ganging up to put MSU sophomore icer A. J. Sturges in the hospital last Saturday night. This is the kind of maturity we've come to expect from Dantonio-coached teams; in the imagined words of Sarah Palin, that's just ruhl impressive, guys. So yeah, anyway, eight freshman footballers, 15-20 athletes in all, felony charges expected.
Commence semi-real post.
Well, gang, it's a tough year. We all knew it would be, but...geez. We didn't want to believe we could lose to Toledo. Didn't want to believe we might get blown away by Penn State, much less Illinois. But here we are, relatively lucky to be 2-5, with a very-okay starting QB whose elbow is dinged and no backups who could compete on any other D-I team. A player named "Zion" is getting relatively significant playing time.
Hope for the future: Players named Martavious (already with us), Shavodrick, Fitzgerald, DeQuinta. These names alone might guarantee multiple national championships.
But we find ourselves heading into the State game with, for once, little hope. Those degenerate bums are favored on our home turf. The offense is showing improvement, but only only only when Stephen Threet is out there. (Nick Sheridan is, as an MGoBlog diarist so aptly wrote, the Harbinger of Doom.) Minor managed to get a 100+ yard, 2 TD game against a great run D (I'm doubting we'll ever get to see Ringer do that) without a single fumble. The defense is being very gracious to passers and a little rough on power runners. So there are advantages heading into the game. There's one big bump...and it's on Threet's throwing elbow. Let's hope it goes away a little bit in time for our game against Li'l Brudder.
Other bump, though, come to think of it. Our O-line. It lacks a certain...good...ness....
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