The hopeful, audacious, changerific Illinois senator won overwhelming victories in Maryland, D.C., and Virginia of 23%, 51%, and 29%, respectively. (Minor development: John McCain wins victories of 26%, 51%, and 9% respectively in those same states. Adios, Huck.) (Hilarious development: Ron Paul defeats Mitt Romney, who dropped out last week, by 2% in D.C., by less than 1% in Virginia, and is narrowly defeated by him in Maryland. LOLs all around.) Obama now has a lead even when superdelegates are taken into account.
A nightmare scenario now enfolds for the Republicans. Instead of getting to run against Hillary Clinton, widely hated because of alleged ties with a disgraced former president, we have to run against a candidate who promises change, hope, and audaciousness, and whose last birthday party featured a clown and "Pin The Tail On The Elephant." Meanwhile, our presidential nominee will be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday this summer by bemusedly shooting fireworks at party guests Rush Limbaugh, Michelle Malkin, and Mark Levin and then angrily cursing out conservatives who are unsure about voting for him even after all the wonderful things he's done for them.
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